Friday, December 24, 2004

Twas the night before Xmas

There are 10 minutes of Christmas Eve left. I find myself wishing that I was someplace else. Despite the fact that we're all supposed to be jolly and festive, I feel less happy than on any normal day.

There is something about Christmastime that makes me feel awfully dejected and lonesome. It's not that I'm alone, my family are at home, but at this time of year I often find myself feeling lonely even though I am surrounded by people. I wonder if that will ever change? I wonder if perhaps it means that I am disconnected from my family, that we are on different wavelengths. Or if it's just this particular holiday.

I also feel wretched as I have been suffering from a cold for 2 days. I haven't been sick at Christmas since 1999 when I had tonsilitis and laryngitis in one hit.

So I'm sitting here trying to think of the things that comfort me when I'm feeling low. My piano. Lying on top of the bed with music on full volume and the lights off. A bath scented with lavender bubbles - temperature so hot I can barely stand it.
Jelly and whipped cream from a can....

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