Cocoon

Sometimes this blog feels like my lifeline. No matter how bad I feel, I can let the words flow and with each word that hits the screen, my stress diminishes.

Today, early in the morning after two nights of excess, I feel like retreating into a shell. I don't feel like talking to anyone and remorse has hit me like a tornado on an open plain. I'm not even sure that these words make sense but this therapy eases a little the confusion that I feel. I guess it was yet another big night for me, in fact if I really think about it I met some very interesting people. I have in my bag the email address of an architect currently working on a big project for Imperial College, whose small Xmas get-together I crashed when I saw their table of food :) Confronted by this guy when I stole a prawn cracker - he scolded me for being so selfish and not stealing food for my friends!

At a different point in the evening, I approached a guy sitting on his own for a cigarette - now I don't smoke but being somewhat drunk, when one of my party asked me to get a cigarette off a complete stranger I complied without even thinking. Now this guy was cool - he was like a Dixons sales person who got lucky and landed a job in real IT. He was apparently waiting for his girlfriend who was a stripper/pole dancer?? And yes he gave me a cigarette no questions - even when I said I didn't smoke :)

Despite all this I feel wretched, jaded and furious. I can't sleep so I am probably going to get up. That's even earlier than yesterday when I woke at 7am and got to work by 8.30! Today I am going to go to work, shut out the rest of the world with my iPod and have an early night snuggled with my stuffed panda.