I feel so tired this morning. Up until quite late last night trying to practise sudoku ready for my regional heat in the Independent Grand Championship, I had to come into the office
for 7am so I can leave early this afternoon. Talk about glutton for punishment.
As I sit here nursing my tea and croissant, I ponder about the recent events in my life. Seems like no matter how much I plan to try and relax, somehow it never works out.
Last week I had an amazingly busy week as usual. I was off work for 4 days learning Java, on Wednesday I had an awesome night watching Royksopp play at Koko. On the weekend I went to a 3 hour bellydancing workshop at which I tweaked and gyrated muscles that normally don't move :)
This weekend I am off to a hopefully sunny Barcelona for shoes and sangria :P
I'm thinking about a book that I bought some months ago called In Praise of Slow It's about how people shouldn't rush around so much and live life at a slightly slower place. Pity I don't have time to read it :)
Despite all this activity I feel restless. It's all very well having fun but there is still something missing. Challenge. Not gentle stimulus like japanese logic puzzles, or physical challenges like belly dancing, but a fierce mental challenge to awaken the ambition and drive I know to exist within myself. Just need to figure out what it should be...
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
emergence
Basking in the morning sun feeling thoughtful. Critical bites of a newly sliced lemon meringue pie, hmm not quite enough meringue perhaps.
I don't feel confused as such, but there are many unanswered questions in my head. Yet I do not feel that I should ask them, for to do so would be like shaking up a snowglobe when all the flakes had settled. Who am I to to disturb the tranquility of the scene? Instead, I should concentrate on improving the picture. There is much potential.
On the way to work I contemplate the fragments left behind, echoes of a former self. I set a challenge to emerge as a butterfly.
I don't feel confused as such, but there are many unanswered questions in my head. Yet I do not feel that I should ask them, for to do so would be like shaking up a snowglobe when all the flakes had settled. Who am I to to disturb the tranquility of the scene? Instead, I should concentrate on improving the picture. There is much potential.
On the way to work I contemplate the fragments left behind, echoes of a former self. I set a challenge to emerge as a butterfly.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Todays Tip for achieving contentment
It's quite amazing just how many hours you can spend poring over your cd collection, realising just how long it's been since you last heard x track, deciding to rejuvenate that album by ripping it to mp3 and adding it to your iTunes playlist.
I'm currently in full multitask mode - writing my blog entry, ripping the matrix ost, listening to the Fight Club ost and fine tuning my iTunes playlist ready for a re-sync.
My PC isn't particularly happy - diagnostics are showing the cpu is overheating a little - 52 degrees (oops)
Had a very weird paranoid moment today - it's a little out of character as I'm usually pretty calm and laidback. I was walking out of a shop and suddenly felt very conscious of my ankles. It's hard to describe but I had an irrational fear that my ankles were about to be separated from my legs by invisible cheesewire across the doorway. It only lasted for a moment - as soon as I stepped out of the shop it went away and I wondered why I was thinking about that. It's something that I've had before and I think that it stems back from my schooldays. We used to have to do a 3 mile cross country course every year through these woods near our school - every year people spread rumours about pranksters stretching tripwires across the trees and I used to worry a little about it. Odd that now, some 10 years later I still have disturbing thoughts about it.
Wow. Amazing how a song can bring back such strong memories. Clubbed to Death - I haven't listened to this for nearly 5 years. The last time I did I was sitting on the District Line going back home. It invokes incredibly strong memories, memories that I wanted to quash forever. Feelings of remorse, love, regret, sadness and fragility. It's a beautiful song, one of few that I can play over and over without getting tired of it. The composition is perfect. The melodies of the violins and piano haunt my soul. Who needs words?
I'm currently in full multitask mode - writing my blog entry, ripping the matrix ost, listening to the Fight Club ost and fine tuning my iTunes playlist ready for a re-sync.
My PC isn't particularly happy - diagnostics are showing the cpu is overheating a little - 52 degrees (oops)
Had a very weird paranoid moment today - it's a little out of character as I'm usually pretty calm and laidback. I was walking out of a shop and suddenly felt very conscious of my ankles. It's hard to describe but I had an irrational fear that my ankles were about to be separated from my legs by invisible cheesewire across the doorway. It only lasted for a moment - as soon as I stepped out of the shop it went away and I wondered why I was thinking about that. It's something that I've had before and I think that it stems back from my schooldays. We used to have to do a 3 mile cross country course every year through these woods near our school - every year people spread rumours about pranksters stretching tripwires across the trees and I used to worry a little about it. Odd that now, some 10 years later I still have disturbing thoughts about it.
Wow. Amazing how a song can bring back such strong memories. Clubbed to Death - I haven't listened to this for nearly 5 years. The last time I did I was sitting on the District Line going back home. It invokes incredibly strong memories, memories that I wanted to quash forever. Feelings of remorse, love, regret, sadness and fragility. It's a beautiful song, one of few that I can play over and over without getting tired of it. The composition is perfect. The melodies of the violins and piano haunt my soul. Who needs words?
Friday, June 17, 2005
if jim could fix it
It doesn't take that much to make me happy. I'm not particularly into fast cars and a glamourous lifestyle. Whilst feeling low and unhappy tonight, I considered what it would take to pull me out of my despondency.
I would love to hire out a massive concert hall. Take out all the seating and fix a hammock in the middle of the hall. I'd hire Bond to come and play for me whilst I lie in the hammock and engulf myself in the music. The sound of string instruments makes my heart tremor when played in the right way. My first request would be Strange Paradise. Followed by Big Love Adagio.
I guess in reality the music could be anything, I can think of some great tracks that would sound amazing echoing round a big room:
And of course, my favourite classical piece of all time probably:- Air on the G String.
Now that I think about it, I'd forgo the concert hall for an empty stone castle. I'd love the music to be bouncing off the stone walls, everywhere I went. How amazing would that be. I'd love this castle to be high up with a view of the sea. The music would be floating out into the wind as I perch on a bay window looking out over the horizon. Just me, the breeze, the view and the music. Heaven.
I would love to hire out a massive concert hall. Take out all the seating and fix a hammock in the middle of the hall. I'd hire Bond to come and play for me whilst I lie in the hammock and engulf myself in the music. The sound of string instruments makes my heart tremor when played in the right way. My first request would be Strange Paradise. Followed by Big Love Adagio.
I guess in reality the music could be anything, I can think of some great tracks that would sound amazing echoing round a big room:
- Higher Place by royksopp
- Kiseki no umi from the anime Record of Lodoss Wars
- Duvet (remix) by boa from anime Serial Experiments Lain
- Yellow by Coldplay
- Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers
- Sadness by Enigma
And of course, my favourite classical piece of all time probably:- Air on the G String.
Now that I think about it, I'd forgo the concert hall for an empty stone castle. I'd love the music to be bouncing off the stone walls, everywhere I went. How amazing would that be. I'd love this castle to be high up with a view of the sea. The music would be floating out into the wind as I perch on a bay window looking out over the horizon. Just me, the breeze, the view and the music. Heaven.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Guestblog
Today's Guestblogger is: Howard my Aeron chair.
Howard says:
"Life as an aeron chair is a mixed bag. I'm generally happy with my lot but there are days when I wish that I could trade places with the confidential paper bin, or perhaps the emergency exit sign. It's nice to have your own place. Some days I find myself all over the place, it's really quite unnerving and disorienting.
Still, I can't complain too much. There are definitely those worse off than me. At least my current occupant is lightweighted and not too abusive. Adam the aeron chair behind me is not quite so lucky. His occupant throws him around, wears out his fibres from the weight strain and can emit the most noxious vapours. The only thing I can really complain about is the fact that I have to stoop all the time as my occupant has incredibly short legs.
The greatest thing about being an aeron chair (aside from the obvious fact that aeron chairs are like the Rolls Royce of office chairs) is that in this office, people are very protective of their aeron chair. There is a breed of inferior 'standard' office chair that are widely scorned, particularly by IT staff. Having been stationed next to Stacy (a fine specimen of the standard blue office chair) for the last couple of months, I have heard countless stories of chair-trading and chair neglect. Urban legends are rife. For instance, apparently one chair was so badly tormented by being left out in the atrium (meeting rooms populated by lush leather seats) he self-mutilated himself with staples and scissors and eventually committed chair suicide by stationing himself in a particular senior manager's office. Every hinge and screw was warped beyond repair afterwards..
Anyhow, there are fine times to be had yet - especially as Stacy has recently moved on and been replaced by Lucinda, a total temptress of an aeron. I can see some interesting nights coming on..."
Howard says:
"Life as an aeron chair is a mixed bag. I'm generally happy with my lot but there are days when I wish that I could trade places with the confidential paper bin, or perhaps the emergency exit sign. It's nice to have your own place. Some days I find myself all over the place, it's really quite unnerving and disorienting.
Still, I can't complain too much. There are definitely those worse off than me. At least my current occupant is lightweighted and not too abusive. Adam the aeron chair behind me is not quite so lucky. His occupant throws him around, wears out his fibres from the weight strain and can emit the most noxious vapours. The only thing I can really complain about is the fact that I have to stoop all the time as my occupant has incredibly short legs.
The greatest thing about being an aeron chair (aside from the obvious fact that aeron chairs are like the Rolls Royce of office chairs) is that in this office, people are very protective of their aeron chair. There is a breed of inferior 'standard' office chair that are widely scorned, particularly by IT staff. Having been stationed next to Stacy (a fine specimen of the standard blue office chair) for the last couple of months, I have heard countless stories of chair-trading and chair neglect. Urban legends are rife. For instance, apparently one chair was so badly tormented by being left out in the atrium (meeting rooms populated by lush leather seats) he self-mutilated himself with staples and scissors and eventually committed chair suicide by stationing himself in a particular senior manager's office. Every hinge and screw was warped beyond repair afterwards..
Anyhow, there are fine times to be had yet - especially as Stacy has recently moved on and been replaced by Lucinda, a total temptress of an aeron. I can see some interesting nights coming on..."
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
pi
It's pie day.
Last night I made my first ever pie. A beautiful lemon meringue pie, with a perfectly crisp meringue top and a fresh lemony filling. It took me about 2 hours - and at 11pm we had a taste test.
My mum's favourite dessert, she gave it a thumbs up. My dad made no comment though his slice disappeared quickly enough. Mrs L declared it fattening but had a slice anyway. I had seconds :)
Today is Chicken Pot Pie day at EAT . This is probably my favourite soup, ever. Creamy chicken soup with a puff pastry top it really hits the spot, especially on a cold rainy day like this.
Whilst my brain is indulging in pie-involving flights of fancy, I am idly browsing the web for pie recipes. Next on my list: Banoffee Pie.
I am a total dessert fiend and both lemon meringue and banoffee pie are high on my list of favourite desserts. My current favourite place for banoffee pie is a restaurant called Sweet Basil. The food is great, but dessert is pure heaven.
viperx is probably chewing at the bit waiting for my list so here it is - my top 10 desserts :)
Maintenant, EAT here I come.
Last night I made my first ever pie. A beautiful lemon meringue pie, with a perfectly crisp meringue top and a fresh lemony filling. It took me about 2 hours - and at 11pm we had a taste test.
My mum's favourite dessert, she gave it a thumbs up. My dad made no comment though his slice disappeared quickly enough. Mrs L declared it fattening but had a slice anyway. I had seconds :)
Today is Chicken Pot Pie day at EAT . This is probably my favourite soup, ever. Creamy chicken soup with a puff pastry top it really hits the spot, especially on a cold rainy day like this.
Whilst my brain is indulging in pie-involving flights of fancy, I am idly browsing the web for pie recipes. Next on my list: Banoffee Pie.
I am a total dessert fiend and both lemon meringue and banoffee pie are high on my list of favourite desserts. My current favourite place for banoffee pie is a restaurant called Sweet Basil. The food is great, but dessert is pure heaven.
viperx is probably chewing at the bit waiting for my list so here it is - my top 10 desserts :)
- Chocolate Bento Box at Ubon (sister of Nobu)
- Banoffee Pie at Sweet Basil
- Trufa de Chocolate con Helado de Vainilla at La Tasca
- Banoffee Pie pot from EAT
- Home-made green tea icecream
- Vanilla Fudge Brownie icecream from Haagen-Dazs
- Chocolate Profiteroles
- Fruit Crumble with custard
- Raspberry cheesecake
- Bananas and custard. With chocolate. And maybe some raspberries. And possibly some cake/crumble over the top. mmmmmmmmmmmm
Maintenant, EAT here I come.
green tea haziness
It's been a little while since I experienced 8am in the office. It's rather pleasant. I can eat my breakfast in peace - the noisy guy sitting behind me isn't in yet. (why is it that there is ALWAYS some noisy person with an annoying voice behind me?)
I am sitting here sipping my free twinings green tea. It smells and tastes of apples and pears. So content right now, I could want for nothing more. Watching people filter into work, I feel peaceful. Bring it on.
I am sitting here sipping my free twinings green tea. It smells and tastes of apples and pears. So content right now, I could want for nothing more. Watching people filter into work, I feel peaceful. Bring it on.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
warning to backseat drivers
Some people seem to live their lives like a game of chess. There is always an opponent and all moves must be countered. Newsflash: your opponent may not be playing in the same game as you.
I am rubbish at chess. That's not to say that I don't have the potential - I have all the right skills for it. I just don't care for the game much. Why? Because although I am a competitive person, I'm not much for games that involve annihilation/total takeover of the other players. Games where there is only one winner.
Despite my ineptitude at the game, this does not mean that
a) I appreciate other people watching my game and criticising my moves
b) People forcing me to play
c) People telling me how to play and how to win
d) People telling me what will happen if I make a wrong move
I prefer to learn my own way thankyou.
I am rubbish at chess. That's not to say that I don't have the potential - I have all the right skills for it. I just don't care for the game much. Why? Because although I am a competitive person, I'm not much for games that involve annihilation/total takeover of the other players. Games where there is only one winner.
Despite my ineptitude at the game, this does not mean that
a) I appreciate other people watching my game and criticising my moves
b) People forcing me to play
c) People telling me how to play and how to win
d) People telling me what will happen if I make a wrong move
I prefer to learn my own way thankyou.
precipitation is wet
My head is full of dreams and destiny today. The little things that happen from day to day, it's not until you stop to analyse the unfolding of events when you begin to wonder whether there is such a thing as fate.
I left the house for work at a normal sort of time this morning, and usually when I get to the station I will buy a copy of the Independent. (mainly because they publish 4 sudokus a day). This morning, the papers were late and I had to either go without or buy an alternative paper. I declined, thinking that I could buy it when I got to Liverpool Street. As I got onto the tube train, I reached down to scratch an itch on my knee and discovered a gigantic hole in my tights. In my mind I was annoyed, thinking 'what's going to go wrong next! everything usually happens in threes'.
Arrival at Liverpool Street station. I made a stop at Boots to buy a new pair of tights, suddenly remembered that I had run out of antihistamines and bought 2 packets. I then popped to WHSmith to buy the paper and as a result ended up exiting the station via a different route to my usual routine. As it happened, guys were handing out free tea at this exit which totally made my day. (I am obsessed with freebies) On the way up to the office, my eyes and nose immediately started itching and I was so relieved that I had ended up in Boots to get those allergy tablets.
None of these little events mean that much on a grand scale, but it's interesting to think about how my morning may have started had I not discovered a hole in my tights. Speaking of which, I am absolutely positive it wasn't there when I put them on this morning.
I've also just noticed that on the free cup I got it says this: "Blended to make every day a little better" :)
Now moving onto omens. The play that I saw on Sunday was about dreams, destiny and omens.
The story itself is a bit of a yarn, but it can be inspiring if you open your mind to it. It's about a spanish shepherd boy called Santiago who has recurring dreams of finding treasure at the Egyptian Pyramids. On his epic journey to Africa and across the desert towards this distant goal, he finds contentment, money, and love. Each time he has an opportunity to compromise on his dream and settle for something that he is happy with but he persists. At one part of his journey he loses everything. He learns from this, and in the end it forms part of his success - he reaches the pyramids. Does he find treasure there? No. There is no treasure there, only knowledge. In this story, getting to the pyramids was crucial to finding out where the treasure was really hidden - back in a place where he started.
A cynic would see the irony in this and interpret that as most journeys rarely need to be undertaken as the best place is where you are. I disagree with this. The stark message I got from this was that in order to discover the truth about what you really want, you have to follow your dream to the very end, whatever sacrifices and losses you may have to endure. Life will throw all sorts of obstacles in your way to test your determination to achieve your dream. How much do you really want it? What is it that you really want?
I can draw parallels to this in my life. By pure chance I bought this book. It wasn't recommended to me and I had never heard of it before in my life. I was in a bookshop with a friend looking for something else. I spotted it on the shelf, picked it up and for some reason decided to buy it. I read it and realised that the only thing stopping me from doing what I really wanted was me. I took the first step to changing this.
Months later, life has thrown all sorts of complications at me. At work I am doing better than ever, I have the promise of success, financial reward and security. In love, I have similar choices. Questions I ask myself:- do I want more? what will I give up to get that?
I could say that the re-emergence of this story in itself is an omen. I only found out about it because someone else told me it was playing. In a tiny theatre outside of where I usually hang out, I let myself be entertained by the pantomime presentation of this story that gave me so much to think about.
Perhaps it's time to take the second step.
I left the house for work at a normal sort of time this morning, and usually when I get to the station I will buy a copy of the Independent. (mainly because they publish 4 sudokus a day). This morning, the papers were late and I had to either go without or buy an alternative paper. I declined, thinking that I could buy it when I got to Liverpool Street. As I got onto the tube train, I reached down to scratch an itch on my knee and discovered a gigantic hole in my tights. In my mind I was annoyed, thinking 'what's going to go wrong next! everything usually happens in threes'.
Arrival at Liverpool Street station. I made a stop at Boots to buy a new pair of tights, suddenly remembered that I had run out of antihistamines and bought 2 packets. I then popped to WHSmith to buy the paper and as a result ended up exiting the station via a different route to my usual routine. As it happened, guys were handing out free tea at this exit which totally made my day. (I am obsessed with freebies) On the way up to the office, my eyes and nose immediately started itching and I was so relieved that I had ended up in Boots to get those allergy tablets.
None of these little events mean that much on a grand scale, but it's interesting to think about how my morning may have started had I not discovered a hole in my tights. Speaking of which, I am absolutely positive it wasn't there when I put them on this morning.
I've also just noticed that on the free cup I got it says this: "Blended to make every day a little better" :)
Now moving onto omens. The play that I saw on Sunday was about dreams, destiny and omens.
The story itself is a bit of a yarn, but it can be inspiring if you open your mind to it. It's about a spanish shepherd boy called Santiago who has recurring dreams of finding treasure at the Egyptian Pyramids. On his epic journey to Africa and across the desert towards this distant goal, he finds contentment, money, and love. Each time he has an opportunity to compromise on his dream and settle for something that he is happy with but he persists. At one part of his journey he loses everything. He learns from this, and in the end it forms part of his success - he reaches the pyramids. Does he find treasure there? No. There is no treasure there, only knowledge. In this story, getting to the pyramids was crucial to finding out where the treasure was really hidden - back in a place where he started.
A cynic would see the irony in this and interpret that as most journeys rarely need to be undertaken as the best place is where you are. I disagree with this. The stark message I got from this was that in order to discover the truth about what you really want, you have to follow your dream to the very end, whatever sacrifices and losses you may have to endure. Life will throw all sorts of obstacles in your way to test your determination to achieve your dream. How much do you really want it? What is it that you really want?
I can draw parallels to this in my life. By pure chance I bought this book. It wasn't recommended to me and I had never heard of it before in my life. I was in a bookshop with a friend looking for something else. I spotted it on the shelf, picked it up and for some reason decided to buy it. I read it and realised that the only thing stopping me from doing what I really wanted was me. I took the first step to changing this.
Months later, life has thrown all sorts of complications at me. At work I am doing better than ever, I have the promise of success, financial reward and security. In love, I have similar choices. Questions I ask myself:- do I want more? what will I give up to get that?
I could say that the re-emergence of this story in itself is an omen. I only found out about it because someone else told me it was playing. In a tiny theatre outside of where I usually hang out, I let myself be entertained by the pantomime presentation of this story that gave me so much to think about.
Perhaps it's time to take the second step.
Monday, June 13, 2005
wrong side of your bed
I am wondering this morning if I should have bothered to get out of bed this morning. For once, I am not feeling like a miserable bitch on a Monday morning, but I couldn't say the same for certain individuals around me. I feel a little tired today of trying to reach the expectations of others. Tired of being told that I'm not trying hard enough, of being criticised for my 'appalling' behaviour, of being told that I'm not listening. I don't want to agree to demands from other people, reasonable or no. For a while I just want to coast and experience the freedom of being a free spirit.
I find it quite incredible that all my life people accuse me of not being considerate of other people's feelings when in actual fact most of my problems in life have come about by being too considerate of too many peoples feelings. My indecisiveness, guilt and frustration are born from this habit.
On days like this I feel like shutting everything and everyone out. I can't do it though - I care too much.
I find it quite incredible that all my life people accuse me of not being considerate of other people's feelings when in actual fact most of my problems in life have come about by being too considerate of too many peoples feelings. My indecisiveness, guilt and frustration are born from this habit.
On days like this I feel like shutting everything and everyone out. I can't do it though - I care too much.
brief pause for breath
It's been a busy old week. Somehow I've managed to fit the following into 6 days:
- seeing Sin City (Beautifully made film, great action and lots of fantastic gory violence)
- treated to seeing Derren Brown live (mind-boggling tricks from the jedi master himself - it was very cool and mystifying)
- accidentally stumbling across a wonderful and sexy belly dancer in Bar Marrakesh who has totally inspired me for my class on the 26th June. wow wow wow - I want to be a belly dancer! (though I don't know why it's called bellydancing as it looks more like ass-shaking to me)
- Spending a whole day under constant scrutiny of an observer whilst taking part in team building events such as building paper houses.
- watching a stage production of Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist. I enjoyed this - though it was a lot like a pantomime. Still, the actors were very enthusiastic and captured the main elements of the story.
Yesterday I think I saw Air Force One. It was a strange moment, whilst walking towards the Tube station I suddenly saw a huge jet overhead flying frighteningly low (I don't really live anywhere near an airport). It passed overhead. I carried on walking.
A minute later I stopped in my tracks as I saw another large plane flanked by 2 small planes (that can only be described as military planes) on either side. My jaw dropped even further when this was followed by yet another large plane flanked by 2 smaller military planes. I must have seen at least 13 planes all in all including the initial jumbo. I have to admit that it made me nervous.... I wonder what they were?
- seeing Sin City (Beautifully made film, great action and lots of fantastic gory violence)
- treated to seeing Derren Brown live (mind-boggling tricks from the jedi master himself - it was very cool and mystifying)
- accidentally stumbling across a wonderful and sexy belly dancer in Bar Marrakesh who has totally inspired me for my class on the 26th June. wow wow wow - I want to be a belly dancer! (though I don't know why it's called bellydancing as it looks more like ass-shaking to me)
- Spending a whole day under constant scrutiny of an observer whilst taking part in team building events such as building paper houses.
- watching a stage production of Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist. I enjoyed this - though it was a lot like a pantomime. Still, the actors were very enthusiastic and captured the main elements of the story.
Yesterday I think I saw Air Force One. It was a strange moment, whilst walking towards the Tube station I suddenly saw a huge jet overhead flying frighteningly low (I don't really live anywhere near an airport). It passed overhead. I carried on walking.
A minute later I stopped in my tracks as I saw another large plane flanked by 2 small planes (that can only be described as military planes) on either side. My jaw dropped even further when this was followed by yet another large plane flanked by 2 smaller military planes. I must have seen at least 13 planes all in all including the initial jumbo. I have to admit that it made me nervous.... I wonder what they were?
Monday, June 06, 2005
blue notes
For the first time in weeks I am alone to cry. The tight knot of pain that I feel inside reflects on my face - my tears leave stinging streaks as they roll unattended.
The solitude is welcome right now. No one to justify my sorrow to. No questions, no answers, no arguments.
I cry for beautiful memories of days gone past, I cry for the things that I miss and no longer have, I cry from the self remorse that I feel and for the guilt of hurting people that I care so much about. I cry for wielding responsibility of creating change, for feeling happiness when I should least deserve it. I cry because
life isn't as simple as the fairytales suggest, because Happy Ever After doesn't always happen.
I feel so tired.
The solitude is welcome right now. No one to justify my sorrow to. No questions, no answers, no arguments.
I cry for beautiful memories of days gone past, I cry for the things that I miss and no longer have, I cry from the self remorse that I feel and for the guilt of hurting people that I care so much about. I cry for wielding responsibility of creating change, for feeling happiness when I should least deserve it. I cry because
life isn't as simple as the fairytales suggest, because Happy Ever After doesn't always happen.
I feel so tired.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
spacefiller
It's quite interesting to observe the mini revolutions in our lives. It's not been a good day so far in my little world, I left the house a little later than usual, decided halfway down the road that I was NOT going to wear my glasses today as they were making me dizzy and went back home to put my contact lenses in. The moment I stepped on the train, the driver announced that there had been a passenger taken ill at Liverpool Street station and that we were not going to be moving any time soon. By the time we started moving the driver then announced that we were not going to be stopping at Liverpool Street station at all (my stop) so I had to go to the next stop and come back the other way.
So I got to work pretty late. I have a lot of work to do - inevitably, today had to be the day where our NFS server started playing up (died) and I am unable to do any development. Luckily for me, I remembered to buy a paper this morning and so have at my disposal a whole 4 sudokus to complete :)
This is what I mean about the mini revolutions. When my colleague introduced me to these addictive puzzles a few weeks ago, little did I know how much they would be absorbed into my life. Whilst I am sitting at work waiting for a build or taking a short break from staring at code, I pass a little time doing a puzzle. I have no idea what I used to do with these gaps. Just like I cannot remember how I ever managed without a mobile phone. Without it, I almost feel naked. Vulnerable and disconnected.
Anyway, back to my sudoku :)
So I got to work pretty late. I have a lot of work to do - inevitably, today had to be the day where our NFS server started playing up (died) and I am unable to do any development. Luckily for me, I remembered to buy a paper this morning and so have at my disposal a whole 4 sudokus to complete :)
This is what I mean about the mini revolutions. When my colleague introduced me to these addictive puzzles a few weeks ago, little did I know how much they would be absorbed into my life. Whilst I am sitting at work waiting for a build or taking a short break from staring at code, I pass a little time doing a puzzle. I have no idea what I used to do with these gaps. Just like I cannot remember how I ever managed without a mobile phone. Without it, I almost feel naked. Vulnerable and disconnected.
Anyway, back to my sudoku :)
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
terminus
Sometimes I hate living and working in the UK.
Here I am sitting at my desk at work on the first day of June with my COAT on. Outside it is overcast, raining and cold. All I want to do is to go home, have a steaming hot bath (at least 45 degrees) and crawl into bed with my trusty iPod and book. Jesus, it's supposed to be summer!
Mind you it probably doesn't help that I've just come back from a long weekend in Budapest where it was very hot and sunny.
I found Budapest to be a very accessible and affordable place to visit. The Hungarians speak English very well and are quite friendly people. The food is good (particularly if you're into goulash hehe), the wine is nice and the beer cheap.
Highlights of my trip:
Overall I found Budapest to be a lovely place to go and relax. It's very similar to Prague, with it's faded majesty but the atmosphere is more subdued. Perhaps this was due to the season. Much like Prague, to get the most of this city you have to stay away from the touristy centres, from the big designer shops and cafes and the brochure churches and buildings.
It's been a whirlwind of a fortnight. I'm glad that it's all over and my calendar looks a more bearable sight with lots of empty spaces which means that I can relax. No point in cramming so much into your own life that you can barely keep up with what's happening. I've missed weeks of Desperate Housewives, have been but a mere shadow on MSN and my bedroom has nearly been taken over by plastic carrier bags (late night Thursday shopping). Oops.
Here I am sitting at my desk at work on the first day of June with my COAT on. Outside it is overcast, raining and cold. All I want to do is to go home, have a steaming hot bath (at least 45 degrees) and crawl into bed with my trusty iPod and book. Jesus, it's supposed to be summer!
Mind you it probably doesn't help that I've just come back from a long weekend in Budapest where it was very hot and sunny.
I found Budapest to be a very accessible and affordable place to visit. The Hungarians speak English very well and are quite friendly people. The food is good (particularly if you're into goulash hehe), the wine is nice and the beer cheap.
Highlights of my trip:
- Stumbling into scary dodgy goth club next to our hostel at 1.30am when we got into Budapest [great start]
- Going on a bar crawl led by an ex male porn star with an attitude. We left at 8pm and got back to the pension at around 4am. Drank with the locals in some bars that I'll probably never be able to find again, met some very cool and interesting people and had my belief system interrogated by a strange american who totally took advantage of the fact that I was somewhat inebriated. Was pulled off the path to insanity by friends.
- Visiting City Park on Sunday. I have never in my life been to any park where every Sunday is party day. All day long the park is crowded with people, bouncy castles, live music, hundreds of stalls selling shoes (?), junk, food and drink. It was more like a theme park...
- Relaxing at the thermal baths in City Park. On a beautifully hot day, splashing in the outdoor baths was a lot of fun. Inside, I relaxed in the hot pools and sauna although the hottest bath at 38 degrees was nowhere near sufficient for me. Bring on the hotsprings in Japan anyday...
- Crossing the many bridges spanning the not-very-blue River Danube humming the wellknown song. Next stop Austria for a full rendition of the Sound of Music up in the hills :)
- Hiking up the Gellert Hill in Buda for a fantastic view of Budapest. Wondered where the Matthias Church was, only to realise we were on the wrong hill. doh!
Overall I found Budapest to be a lovely place to go and relax. It's very similar to Prague, with it's faded majesty but the atmosphere is more subdued. Perhaps this was due to the season. Much like Prague, to get the most of this city you have to stay away from the touristy centres, from the big designer shops and cafes and the brochure churches and buildings.
It's been a whirlwind of a fortnight. I'm glad that it's all over and my calendar looks a more bearable sight with lots of empty spaces which means that I can relax. No point in cramming so much into your own life that you can barely keep up with what's happening. I've missed weeks of Desperate Housewives, have been but a mere shadow on MSN and my bedroom has nearly been taken over by plastic carrier bags (late night Thursday shopping). Oops.
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