the pendulum swings

Life can be so complicated sometimes. I woke up this morning with a harsh awareness of reality.

I am in love with two amazing guys who both have the ability to make me happy in lots of different ways. I don't know how to choose and I obviously can't have both.
The pendulum swings but never settles.

I sit between a rock and a hard place and ponder the possibilities and outcomes. It has taken me weeks to get to this place. I have travelled through guilt, self-pity, denial, anger, frustration, the works. Now the mist is clearing and I know that I must do something rather than wait for someone or something else to do it for me.

The initial problem was complex, there are lots of variables involved, peoples feelings, material matters, history, as well as my own personal baggage. Unable to cope, I have decided that the only thing that I can do is to break the problem down to the core. Everything else will have sort itself out in its own time.

At its most basic, the problem doesn't seem so difficult:- a choice must be made, and there are only 3 possible choices. Person A, Person B, or neither.
This sounds a little cold but I have to face the facts. The melodrama needs to stop. Of course, knowing this doesn't make things any easier but at least I can be true to myself what I must do.

Early this morning I wondered if I could just leave it to fate and toss a coin. 26 tosses, one for each year of my life. A draw means I choose neither. Dare I? :)

Whatever happens, one thing is clear: I must and will take all responsibility for my actions. I wish no hurt on anyone but I know that there are consequences whichever way I go.
I will have to live with them.


******************************

You
Every beat of my heart, everyday of my life
Every thought on my mind
Every second, every moment
You
Every still of the night, every romance goes right
Every dream I deny
Every second, every moment
You
Every beat of my heart, everyday of my life
Every thought on my mind
Every second, every moment
You
Every tear that I cry, every hope in my mind
Everything that I hide
Every second, every moment