i see dead people

I've now watched 5 episodes of Six Feet Under. I can see why it's so popular. The humour is sharp and beautifully dark - and the characters are wonderful.

The family that this series revolves around (The Fishers) own a funeral home. For some reason, each member of the family appears to be able to see and talk to the deceased. Whether this is literal or not, I'm not so sure, it's still early days in the series yet but it got me thinking about ghosts. If people could really see ghosts, (that's not to say that I don't believe the accounts of people who claim to have, but as I have not seen any myself, I leave it open for debate), would we see them as a true representation of their dead bodies, or would we see them as they were when they were living - ie a manifestation of what the spirit remembers that they looked like when they were alive?

Say that a guy has a car accident and ends up decapitated. Would his ghost be headless? Is there any reason why it would be? Would the ghost have a choice over his appearance in spirit form? On paranormal investigation programmes such as Most Haunted, it seems that 'spirits' appear on camera as an orb of light. Yet people have claimed to have seen ghosts as people. Is there really such a strong link between our spirit self and our physical self? Or is it just that our spirits persist the memories of our previous lives even though it has left the vessel in which it resided?

I do believe in ghosts. I believe that we all have something in each of us that differentiates those that are 'dead' and those that are 'living'. Yeah sure we might be made up up electrical impulses but it's not like a radio where you can turn people on and off at will. I also believe in reincarnation. We all know that there is no such thing as destruction - energy cannot come from nothing. So when something dies, something is born. Somewhere there is a pool of 'life fabric' which is ceaselessly recycled. On death, the fabric returns to the pool - but sometimes, it gets a little lost. [geek mode] Like zombied processes in a massive computer. [/geek mode] These lost pieces of fabric are the ghosts - lingering where they died, with no purpose or owner. They remember what they looked like, everything up to the point that they died, and hang around until somebody discovers them.

Much like a core dump ;)

soliloquy

The third eye opens
Drinks in the fuschia, the rainbow spectrum.
Where there was darkness and silence,
Dawn breaks.
Overwhelmed, the eye attempts to close
Shut out the light! Blockade the truth!
There is a struggle within, a mutiny.
The comfort of denial beckons
but the damage remains.
The eye now gapes at the widening chasm
Following the single winding path into the void.
In the subconscience a voice speaks out;
Seek solace in acceptance.
Indecision and resistance take to the battlefield.
The skirmish seems indefinite
And time passes.
The euphoria of paradise is still strong.
The colours still bright, the sensations still sweet
This universe is suspended to prolong these fleeting moments
Until the battle is won.

"Do or do not. There is no try."

I feel that I have to post this link. It's a link to Jeff Tweiten's blog. This guy has been camping outside his local cinema since the 1st Jan 2005 and will remain there until Stars Wars Episode III is released on May 19th.

I can't quite decide whether it's sad or commendable. I don't think he's trying to prove anything to anyone, and I don't have a problem with fandom, but I highly doubt that it's going to be worthwhile :)
Both Episode I and Episode II totally sucked.

heaven is..

bathtime. I love the guilty pleasure of soaking for far too long in a bath.
The stress drains away with the cold water, my emerging self feeling great and smelling of lavender.

Am now going to fix myself a nice drink and pop a dvd on. Who says that Wednesday night has to be spent propping up the bar? ;)

last rites

I just watched the pilot episode of Six Feet Under. It made me think. Not just about the one funeral I ever went to, and the one funeral I didn't get to go to but about funerals in general and I realised with some horror that the day that I die, my family are going to want to do things the 'proper' way. Sod that.

I remember when I was in secondary school, my friend Jenny and I used to discuss our own funerals. Jenny was really into Queen and wanted Bohemian Rhapsody to be played at hers. It wasn't an entirely serious conversation but 10 years on, it has occurred to me that if I don't do anything, my funeral will be the complete opposite of how I would want it to be. Not for me the organ music or mournful violin sonatas. Not for me the hushed tones and silent tears. I want real music at my funeral, I want dancing, and champagne. I want it to be a celebration of the person that I am, of the life that I lived. I don't think that's much to ask.

Oh ick. I'm watching this programme about anatomy. That weird guy, Professor Von Hagens or somesuch (from that infamous Body Worlds exhibition) is demonstrating how the lungs work.

Hmm. It's interesting though. He is injecting artificial blood into the intestines.. and you can see it filling the veins. Good thing I've finished my dinner.

the final fight part I

Whilst sitting in a deliciously hot bubble bath contemplating the matters of the world, (that and trying not to get my toe stuck in the bath tap. What is the allure of that anyway?)I wondered who/what would come out on top out of a real battle of survival of the fittest. Now in the event of a nuclear fallout, I guess the winner would probably be the cockroach given it's immunity to radiation.

Let's disregard that scenario. I guess we would then be talking about either an outbreak of disease, or a massive population explosion rendering such a great shift in the balance of things that mayhem would ensue.

The contenders are: humans vs animal kingdom (land, air and water) vs bacteria. Vegetation doesn't count - it's food.
Firstly, I don't think that mankind will win. There is sufficient evidence to suggest that men (and women) are incapable of sharing, or working together sufficiently to preserve the survival of the entire species. However, man will be in the final fight I reckon.

Secondly I would discount any animal that is seabound. Reason being that if they depend on the sea, they aren't any major contender to those who can survive out of it. This is under the assumption that there isn't a Noah's Ark style flood. Which there could be.

Next we eliminate the vegetarians. Rabbits, giraffes and suchlike don't pose much of a threat to anything or anyone.

So we now have humans vs air or land bound carnivores vs bacteria. Now if the battle were down to chance, then the bacteria would probably win, being deadly and indiscriminate. However, bacteria doesn't have much motivation and relies a lot on the conditions it resides in so I don't consider it a real contender either.

Ok so we are down to animals vs humans. The air bound carnivores don't really have much hope as they are mostly loners and are also limited by having to concentrate on flying. Their only real chance of survival is to fly away and hide until the battle is over.

The final round therefore is between meat eating animals that live on land, and humans. Wait, I forgot about insects. Anyway, I want to eliminate humans. Yeah ok, they are highly intelligent, are very resourceful, have weapons and machinery and all that but I think the intelligence factor becomes a liability at this point. You'd have so much debating and protesting that by the time they'd decided to fight back, it would be far too late. And this is after the time it takes for the humans to fall into different camps.

So... in actual fact I think it will be some other predator that will survive in the end.

Hmmm... Ok I'm going to sleep on this one. Not sure yet what the outcome should be. Not pigs.

red mist

I do have to wonder if I'm not a borderline masochist.
After a 12 hour stint at work, last one out of the office, I have come home only to find myself sitting once again at my pc trying to hit 80% success rate on Freecell. I have spent the last two nights sitting until 1am doing this. It all becomes counterproductive as I get too tired to concentrate and then lower my percentage. I then oversleep and go into work feeling wretched only to repeat the whole process again the next day. Out of all the great games I have on my pc - this is the one that tortures me!!

the tourist

I am so in love with London. Over the years, I've had a kind of love-hate relationship with this city. Before I worked here, I loved it - the accessibility, the shopping, the diversity. Then I graduated and started working in London. I started to loathe the noise, the traffic, the tourists and the high cost of living. I hated the commuting, particularly the Jubilee line. I also hated the commuters.

Days like today reaffirm my love for this city. It has everything. Whatever kind of person you are, there is a special place in London for you. Whatever you want to do, however you feel.

I played tourist today. It's tragic to live in a place so long and not have seen anything at all. Didn't get up particularly early - took the Central line to Bank and started walking. The City is especially beautiful on a rainless Sunday. It's always deserted, all the bankers at home or playing golf. The buildings are pristine, and when it's sunny it's a lovely walk through the clusters of coffee shops and offices. It was incredibly romantic, even if I was the only one to think so :)
The sun came out just as I reached St Pauls Cathedral, breathtaking but a little ragged around the edges. Then across the road along the Millenium Bridge. This is probably my favourite bridge in the world. Walking along this bridge is like walking in the air across the Thames. To the left, you can see the Gherkin, Tower Bridge and all the way to Canary Wharf. Once you cross to the other side, you can walk along the bank of the Thames all the way to Westminster, which I did. This walk can render many surprises, it's a very interesting journey. Outside the Shakespeare Globe Theatre, I watched some wannabe freerunners practising on some posts and benches. The mime artists gather around the London Eye, the skateboarders underneath the Purcell Room at South Bank, the bike stunters down by Southwark. A man sits with his mouth hidden inside what looks like a didgeridoo. "Come and see the amazing monkey!" he invites. I walked past, knowing much better. A man stirs his caramel peanuts listlessly, can barely be motivated to advertise his wares. As I sit with a long drink at the window of the Slug and Lettuce, the freerunners have caught with me and are running along the top of a covered walkway, jumping some obstacle that I cannot see. They have a long way to go - my guess is that they are newbies to the ever-increasingly popular sport. The idea is to give the impression of absolute spontaneity, but they probably had no idea that anyone was watching.

Continuing towards Westminster and Big Ben, I am surrounded by tourists and clicking cameras. Despite the now grey skies, the tourists are determined to get their shots. I cross the road to peer through the gates to get a closer look at the Houses of Parliament. Pity about the traffic lights and ramps, I think. Next stop is Westminster Abbey and St Margarets church. It's gone dusk now, and the lights give London a romantic glow. Opposite St Margarets are some public toilets. There is a sign outside declaring it the "Loo of the Year". I don't check to see if it deserves the award. Instead, I head back towards the West End through St James Park. Back to civilisation.

firefighting rhinos

Many years ago, when I was about 12/13 years old, I rented out this video called The Gods Must Be Crazy. It had me in stitches and I have been waiting forever for it to be rereleased on DVD.

Well I saw it today in HMV so I had to buy it. Just having watched it - over 10 years on, whilst still funny, it's actually quite thought-provoking. I highly recommend it. It's about a bushman who one days sees a coca cola bottle (the old glass ones) fall out of the sky and it changes his life forever.

One thing that came up in the film - apparently when rhinos see a fire, they will charge up to it and stamp it out. Sadly, a quick google search tells me that this is not true. But it would have been cool if it were.

heaven and hell

It's strange what exhaustion can do to the mind and body.
After 10 hours of solid drinking on Thursday night and a mere 3 hours of sleep, yesterday I was not quite on top form on the work front.

Thinking that it was probably best to go home and relax, I passed up the opportunity to keep on drinking and went home - only to end up staying up until 1am watching Dogma. What a brilliant film - Kevin Smith is a genius. And hilarious to boot.

Anyhow, I woke up this morning from a dream which started off as a horrible nightmare and ended as a strange fantasy...

The dream starts off with 4 people in a car (myself included) driving to a cottage in the countryside for a short break. The car is absolutely full to the brim with stuff, as if we were moving house rather than taking a holiday. When we get there, the owners of the cottage welcome us and help us settle in before disappearing off to wherever they live. The cottage was nice enough - but it wasn't long before we (I), discovered that it was haunted, and the multiple ghosts that inhabited this small house all manifested themselves to me in a way that was extremely disconcerting. Like when you're living in student digs and you get up in the middle of the night to visit the toilet, still feeling drowsy and sleepy, and you cross paths with someone else on the way there. Only in my dream, they were ghosts - a middle aged couple, an old man or woman, and a young woman that I never saw. The dream picked up pace and came to a head when one morning, the other 3 people in my party all saw something that made them scream. Petrified, I somehow knew what they had seen but didn't know what it looked like, and didn't really want to see it. It was a small bundle, with a 'child' inside. I could see it glowing even though I was in a completely different room, and it was evil. At this point, we all got our things together and left the cottage as fast as we could.

The dream continued on as we carried on driving, we ended up in a small town on the coast. It was very American, wide roads, deserted. Our car stopped, and the driver got out. I looked out of the window and saw that we were stopped outside a boarded up shop with the words, 'oil and gas' sprayed onto the brick wall in black paint.
As the driver (the identity of the people in my dream is pretty irrelevant) unscrewed the petrol cap, he was suddenly surrounded by 3 guys, dragged off and punched and kicked. We stared on aghast, but before we could do anything, the car started rolling. As if by magic, the road was suddenly full of oncoming traffic and we had to take the wheel to avoid crashing into these cars coming on to us at full speed. The next thing I knew, we were parked on a grassy verge and a guy hands us flyer.(the driver was back in the driving seat) I saw the most beautiful beach I had ever seen. The sand was golden, massive rolling sand dunes with clear blue waves crashing onto them. We went back to that town - but it had changed. See, this town was so protective of it's beaches that it had employed the most amazing technology to stop people from ruining them. The whole town was shrouded by a giant hologram and only by passing some sort of test, could you see the true form of it. I walked to the seafront - it was drab and the rain was torrential. Everything was sepia and dingy. The moment I walked onto the beach, it was like walking through a mirror into paradise.

I don't remember how the dream ended. Or even if it did.

made in America

I went to see National Treasure last night. I didn't have particularly high hopes - but I just couldn't stomach 3 hours of Scorcese's The Aviator after a full day at work so I went for what I expected to be a complete no-brainer instead. Besides, it was Orange Wednesday so tickets are half price :)

I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised. The story is absolutely nonsensical but it was very entertaining. Apparently based on the Da Vinci Code (which I haven't read), it's like a cross between Tomb Raider and Indiana Jones - though in my opinion more of the latter and less of the former. Lots of action, riddles and wry
one-liners, Diane Kruger provides eyecandy for the guys, Nicholas Cage is on top form as the slightly sarcastic, artifact enthusiast and Mensa candidate, and Sean Bean is, well, Sean Bean. (will never understand why the Brits always plays the bad guys) I was a little lost by the premise behind the film - the general plot revolves around Nicholas Cage trying to find the treasure of all treasures which was hidden by the Knights Templars to prevent the British from ever getting to it. (er, why? And why would they need to ship it all the way from Europe to America??)
They leave a whole string of clues as to where the treasure is, but you have to be extremely well versed in American History to be able to decipher them. But anyway, my verdict was, ludicrous but entertaining. And hey, it's Disney.

itadakimasu

I have this amazing passion for japanese food. I love lots of things, with most I can be fickle depending on my mood but I don't think I'd ever get bored of eating japanese food.

I meant to have sushi for lunch today - except the queue was massive and I ended up in this little japanese cafe instead. I bought myself a soba bento and a little box of riceballs (aka onigiri). Soba is so simple, it's just noodles made from buckwheat - you eat it cold dipped in a sauce mixed with wasabi. Though simple, it tastes so good that it practically turns me on :) Even now, some 4 hours from lunch I can still taste the noodles..
I can only be thankful that I live in London because I can indulge myself stupid with japanese food (for a price of course). If you can name it, you can probably have it - somewhere. I dream of vel vety salmon sashimi, indulgent okonomiyaki smothered in bonito fishflakes and japanese brown sauce, prawn tempura fresh from the pan, the delicate flavours of onigiri with salmon filling wrapped in crispy nori, I could go on and on.

I met a replacement sushi partner at the Christmas party (my last one left the company some time ago) - we have a table at Miyabi next week for lunch. The sushi there is truly melt-in-the-mouth. I can hardly wait...

PS itadakimasu is what you traditionally say before eating (kinda means 'thankyou for the food'

Winds of change

There are days when you wake up and there is a distinct feeling that things will never be quite the same again. You get up as normal, get ready for work, get on the Tube and everything seems the same.
There is a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, a small knot of anxiety. As the minutes tick by, I find myself in a state of anticipation - yet nothing. Perhaps it is me who is supposed to be the catalyst?

The List

There is an episode of Friends which I always remember - the one with Isabella Rossellini and the 'lists'. The Friends have a list of celebrities that they are 'allowed' to sleep without anyone getting upset. Ross has Isabella Rossellini on his, but he subsititutes her out for a local celebrity because he thinks that the chances of meeting her are higher. Ironically, Isabella walks into the coffee house after he does this :) (Chandler has Jessica Rabbit on his - an unlikely encounter in the land of the living methinks but a worthy choice nonetheless)

Anyhow, I thought I'd compile my own list except I have 10 on mine rather than 5. And I have both a list of female and male celebrities.. It's more a list of the celebrities who I find most attractive.

It's taken me over a month to compile and still I'm not 100% happy with it. That just shows how fickle I am I suppose :) The names aren't in any particular order (that would take even longer)

The Gents

Tom Cruise
Brad Pitt
Edward Norton
Orlando Bloom
Joaquin Phoenix
Aidan Gillen
Jonathan Rhys Meyer
Aaron Kwok
Jude Law
Ralph Fiennes

The Ladies

Keira Knightley
Scarlett Johansson
Catherine Zeta Jones
Uma Thurman
Tia Carrere
Monica Belucci
Linda Fiorentino
Marisa Tomei
Rachel Weisz
Avril Lavigne

It's amazing the things you can think about when at work and really not interested in what you are doing :)

Turning a corner

I seem to have hit a bit of a reading frenzy of late - I am buying more books than I have time to read. Finally having finished Non-Fiction (pure genius), I have hit an experimental phase of books.

One book, more of a comedy read than anything, opened my eyes to a new stress-release channel that I had not really considered before. It is just a published collection of website postings, chosen to titillate and amuse - but the concept fascinated me no end. The website allows you to post anonymous confessions.. Some are rude, some are crude, some are pretty sad. I read one that I can't get out of my mind:

"I don't use tampons....
or pads......
I use bread."

Another example:

"I just swore on my kid that I'm not sleeping with my friend - but I am, and I might
leave my husband to be with him. But probably not. I really hope the baby wakes up in the morning."

I have been wondering what sort of confessions I would post. And whether they would be truth or lies.

I bought another book today - "in praise of Slow". It's a study in the hectic lives we lead - rushing everywhere, not appreciating those precious moments, going through life at warp speed. It claims to introduce a lifestyle revolution. I could do with one of those. I spend so much time replaying things that happen in my head wondering why I didn't pay more attention at the time. Wondering if things may have happened differently had I done so. Things that I could have said before turning away, things I could have done to prolong a precious moment. I'm not a great believer in self-help books, I don't tend to read non-fiction as I am heavily into escapism, I seek solace in denial despite the cynic in me crying to escape. 4 chapters into The Corporation and I am wondering what hope there is left for us mere mortals.

But with time comes change, and change can lead to progression. My change is to wake up to the truth, perhaps one day I might be able to do something about it.

Happy New Year

I have re-emerged from the depths of nowhere - 3 days holed up in a quaint little cottage with a log fire, ample food, an excess of alcohol and access to a heated indoor pool has rejuvenated me. On New Years Day we all went down to the beach at Westward Ho! (the only place in the UK with an exclamation mark in it's name I believe) despite the bitter cold winds and pouring rain. Glorious.

Now that we've reached 2005 I feel that I should at least commemorate the highlights and lowlights of last year before I can fully start to appreciate the new year so here we go:

Highlights of 2004

• Dodging rockets in Prague on New Years Eve 2003 (also a lowlight as I am petrified of fireworks)


• Singing Bohemian Rhapsody in a Hello Kitty Karaoke bar in Tokyo with Nao and Akiko-san


• Basking in the sun outside the tinfoil marvel that is the Guggenheim in Bilbao


• Meeting my hero Gordon Ramsey at a booksigning in Canary Wharf (mmmmm)


• viperx's leaving drinks - witnessed events that made my jaw drop - even for someone as liberated as me


• Standing on top of a mountain in Jasper - feeling like I was on top of the world - so beautiful it made my heart ache


• Meeting my brethren in the most amazing festival I have seen in Hong Kong. Family is everything.

Lowlights of 2004

• My grandad finally passing away in Hong Kong and not being able to attend the funeral


• The wedding of my uncle to a girl 7 years my junior


• The re-election of George W Bush as US president


• Too many champange hangovers


• Watching so many people I like leave the company I work for


• Turning 25


• Having to quit japanese class as my teacher was crap (gomenesai Nishimura-sensei but it's true)

Hopes for 2005

I have lots of hopes for this year. Some are more realistic than others.
I hope that:

• the process of evolution will speed up and I will grow another 4 inches so that I can reach things


• alternatively sprout wings so I can fly


• Get to JLPT4


• Take a sabbatical and go travelling. Possible destinations: 3 months across China, the Inca Trail, Cambodia, Thailand


• Learn to read maps so I don't get lost whilst travelling


• Learn to pole-dance. Just so I can. (also may come in handy whilst travelling as it earns more money than waitressing)


• kiss someone who thinks I'm wonderful (I copied this from someone else's blog - I think it's lovely)


• The world celebrates the achievers, not the dreamers. I would like to stop thinking and start doing.


• Stop drinking champagne. I am convinced that this will improve my life.