pessimisme

Sometimes I feel so vulnerable. Life is so fragile, so unpredictable. What does it take to preserve the sanctity of our existence?

From fiction to reality, the harshness of the world terrifies me sometimes. From the threat of bombs on the public transport, to police shootings of innocent civilians. Not only do I have reason to fear those who terrorise, but I now have cause to fear those who are supposed to be there to protect us. I was born lucky. I look pretty harmless. But for those who weren't born that way? They have to be even more careful not to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

On Saturday night I watched lilja-4-ever. I never want to see that film again. It shocked and horrified me to the core - I couldn't control my emotions after seeing that film. It made me feel so vulnerable. The film is about a young girl and how she is forced into prostitution because of the awful circumstances of her life. She is exploited at every turn and by almost everyone she meets. It made my blood run cold to see the abuse that a girl can go through, by men who see women as nothing more than a sexual object with no feelings. I was born lucky. I have been sheltered and looked after all my life. But there are girls out there for who this film is a reality and my heart goes out to them. When the credits started rolling my tears ran unchecked and I felt some hatred towards men and their power over women.

I've just read on imdb that this film is based on a real person. That makes it even worse.

So I feel that sometimes looking harmless is a mixed blessing. To the good, it helps you to integrate. To the bad, it is a weakness to be exploited.
In November I am thinking of going to Thailand. I may be there alone for a while. In the back of my mind there is a small niggling concern for my own safety. Do I think that I can't take of myself? No. But for a young female to be alone in a faraway foreign country that isn't very rich, well, that's a different matter. What's the worse that can happen? It doesn't bear thinking about.