Blink

It's strange. I've always had such great faith in my instincts. There are times when I can make the biggest decisions in the blink of an eye.

Other times, like now, I begin to have doubts. Sometimes, you feel unhappy. You know that you can change that, but for some reason, you don't. You believe that things as they are, are supposed to be, even if you can't rationalize it. Like work, for example. I'm not happy with what I'm doing, or how much I am getting paid for doing it. I know that I can leave, but somehow I feel like that would be the wrong decision.

But what if I'm wrong? What if the best thing to do were to get out now? What do you do when you suddenly wake up and realise that you don't need to be unhappy?

I feel a little heartbroken right now. I feel lonelier than I have ever been. Am I destined to forever observe the world around me like a goldfish bowl, occasionally coming up for air? I'm surrounded by things that prove that my life is real and yet inside I feel somewhat empty. I guess it's my own fault. In the belief that no one could ever understand me, I don't give anyone the opportunity to. I suppose that I fear that I am right, and that no one could.

I know that tomorrow I will wake up and pretend that everything is as it was. I will smile at my colleagues, and joke about meaningless things. Inside I will wish that I could just be me.