Back on that mountain top

It's just a little before 6am on a Tuesday morning. I've been twisting and turning, unable to sleep since about 4.40am. Still jetlagged from my return from Hong Kong, all I can think about as I roll around is work so I decide to get up instead.

There is a small fluttery feeling in my stomach. Sometimes, this means that I'm hungry but I know that I'm not. I know in fact that it's a feeling of anticipation - of excitement.

I've always had this ability to know when to make decisions. Important ones. I have this instinct that tells me that the time is right and this can happen ever so suddenly. For the last 6 months at least, I have been waiting for this fluttery feeling, this moment in which I have clarity over what I must and want to do.

But it is not quite time. I cannot do anything for at least 2 months except prepare myself.

I've been at odds with myself over work for some time now. In the space of a year I have gone from being a tentative team leader of 4 to a more confident team leader of 10. I have handled interviews and resignations. Berated and praised. I am held in high esteem and assured of a good bonus this year (or so I have been told). Yet it's not enough. My pride forces me to work hard and do my job well but in my heart I know that I need and want more. I want a bigger challenge to rise to and not one that involves corporate politics.

2007 is to be the year of change for me. I can see the turning point on the horizon though it is still slightly faint right now. I feel very nervous. I am reminded a little of that moment when I sat on the mountain in St Anton, frightened and waiting for it to pass. It always does.