Fadeout

How easy and quick it is to destroy something, something that can take so long to build.

As I stood in the doorway today and waved goodbye to my ex and his parents in the house that we bought together, I tried hard to capture and remember that moment. It fills me with grief to say goodbye to this house that I worked so hard for. Yet it was so easy to sell it.

It's been a painful couple of days for me. Saying goodbye. Taking things from what seems like their rightful place. Things that I chose. Everything has memories attached to them. How can these inanimate objects mean so much? How can this pile of bricks be so important?

I stood in the doorway, the breeze blew gently through my hair as I watched the van pull out. The air is fresh and pure. It reminded me of summer days in the garden, barbecues and wasps. Of ice cold rose wine and coleslaw. In the doorway of this house that was once mine, with my personality and love stamped all over it I felt sadness hitting me like a ton of rocks. For a moment I wished that I could turn back time.

It is Chinese New Year today. Time to make a fresh start and think about tomorrow.
Last night I slept alone and cried, scared of being alone. Tonight I will sleep alone again but I will not cry.